angsty bugger!

well how time flies and so does this alter ego of mine. well it has turned passe with those around me. yes to diana i am an angsty guy and i ain't proud of it but there is just more than one side. this blog shows people a side of me that people do not usually see. i am not saying i am posing in all my ways but it is through my writing i can express things better.

angst has always been a problem for the many youths of today and me obviously. it is something that we all have to face because of the ever continuing problems we face. but the only difference is how we deal with this angst. i deal with it by writing while some deal it in a different way like personal infliction. the only reason why i choose to be more liberated here is because i want the world to know. its difficult to say things and thats the truth but escaping it is worse. in time i will learn to share more and i will do that in the know that it will help. God loves and i don't deny because i have seen it happening in my life a lot. i feel down many times because i view myself as a failure when i really had nothing to do with a situation at all. i lack a quality known as self preservation and that kills me really fast. i have grown over time to learn to understand people faster than usual and that has been both a blessing and a curse because i tend to judge and than appropriately mould my life around others. this really makes me a failure at what i preach and right now i am doing my best to make things work out not for people and not for me but for God because it is a servents duty to serve a master whole heartedly and not grudgingly. i thank Him for giving me the ability to really understand things fast but that is different from allowing me to let go.

it is always important to know why we fall rather than to get up because we might just be moving on without knowing anything only to find ourselves back at square one.

weirdo...

hello again... beautiful day..i am writing my second entry in abt one hour or two...who cares...anyway i have evolved into a walking time bomb... a blender mixed with feelings, emotions, and me! so yeah i will have that frap to go with cream please..

so you see that i can get mad and i hope for the tolerance that all my friends can give me.... i will blow and than simmer as though i am crazy...but i am...

i feel the urge like i said to be evil yet i have learnt that goodness is a better option... i dunno anything anymore... i dun feel like talking... can i totally outkast myself like last time... can i bear the consequences of my choices... i dunno and there is no one to really tell me... so ya.... i am lost...

LOST! did u hear me? i got lost because of the crap i had to suffer... and am still suffering... why cant i be happy for myself... its just in me to still care... but why? cant i be cold and heartless... its difficult to understand people... they seem to love masking themselves up and when they face someone who turns insane like me they go scared and avoid... well... i bring reality and that can suck so ya... ha...

its difficult and never easy... dunno why i am still typing because i really exhausted all that i had to say.. i preached my lesson but it hasnt come to mind... so yeah... before i preach something i cant live i would stop here and allow a breather... this isn't the last of me... i will....

wonderboy

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck. Yeah, yeah. Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

can i be wonderboy? life sometimes is really filled with mucky muck man and things that its just difficult. my post have really lamented life to the point of life's non-existence.

i wanna feel like wonderboy is that too much to ask? childish but sometimes we must. escaping from the mucky muck to make sure life will allow us to stand tall and proud. i am pressing on to do that so that i may not be affected. i have turned to become a little more freaky than before and it seems that it eats me up. i wrote two letters today which showed botht the demon and angel like character that was contained inside of me. i wanted badly to take revenge yet that vengeance was not mine to handle but Gods'.

i just need the silence to drown my heart out to really say that i will not be affected. life is still going to fast. i have dug certain graves and have prepared myself to lie in it in hope for the best of the others that my death might make grasses greener. i will decompose slowly to form nothing and eventually all that is left will be mere memories that will lose its meaning. we will forget how the strawberyy ice cream tasted so sweet in our mouths and vaguely remember the insignificant. life doesnt always go the way we want so live with it!

i will be wonder boy....

story time...

rain drops fell along the sidewalk of cherry street by which a young lad sat watching cars go by and enjoying the ice cream he paid for with the dime that rolled down that street. as the drops fell, the lad looked up to the heavens and tears flowed down his face. mummy was gone that day.

a few blocks away at the local cemetary, a man clad in black watched as the ordained minister pronounced his last rites before the casket was sealed. sadness encompassed the whole town.

nothing really brings a smile to our faces when deaths of friends or family members come our way. by this death i do not mean mere physical ones but those that involve us totally regretting to not be able to say our last sorries because our pride meant more. can't we just be frank and say that all that happen really was because we lacked faith within ourself. why must everythin be rationalized!

the lad looked up and instead of blaming God for his mother's death, he proclaimed, "Thank you God for showing your sympathy by pouring this showers down on me to really remember that you will always be there for me as you had to my mother who rest by your side."

Live your life in hope that we can sail through nicely, well all i can say is that you are a slob if you do think that way. Life isn't about you. Life is about showing those around us what
God has done so that they might eventually be convicted and love the Lord in the same way we do.

~soli deo gloria

normal..

well...its hours before the my final predictament....worried...D"UH!!! but thanks to my mates at school and everyone else for showing support...i will get well!!! i promise...and finally attain my rock and roll dreams...lol....rte..ok.....enjoy this post in green....

live, love are really what many of us hold on too and sometimes we might lose the faith we put in this. its really difficult to move on in such a bleak future whereby nothin really seems to be gettin rte..well......thats faith for you...

faith is many times just believing in the unseeable and even untouchable...faith can be really be put to the test in many ways like how we would try and leap off a 20 storey building in hopes to live and be a hero...well....STUPID!!!

anyway what i really wanna bring across is that sometimes we need to make leaps of faith in life...as a Christian the biggest leaps i have made really involve me and my faith in God.... my walk with him can realli be described as walking through a foggy forest...i can hear him but sometimes i dun there to walk in the same direction....God and even our parents want us to trust their judgements but we just are afriad.... as much as we know they are there for us though we cant see them, we jus are to afraid to follow their voices instead we listn to ourselve and end up lost.... is this wat faith is all abt...trustin onli in yourself?

it has really been a difficult time for me rte now and all i can really do is trust and i am trying my best....I am weak but Thou O Lord art Strong....