back for the monthly ritual

ok. for once. i feel like blogging. but as someone once said, "Blogging is so 2006."
I can't agree more except for the fact that this blog has been good to me. For all my friends who always thought i went missing; this was the only way for them to know i am still alive. life has been not spontaneous for me. i haven't been myself lately. maybe thats why i haven really been talking to you. I'm sorry. Been influenced greatly as well. trying not to conform to peoples' views and behavior has been to overpowering for myself. I guess in and around many people i just don't know how to react or behave. yup. i am feeling a burden on me that ceases to amaze myself everytime i see the doppelganger that hangs over my shoulder. schizophrenic? i am very certain that ain't one of my choices. whether or not the person typing now is truly me and whether the thing i type are truly what i feel that is still a mystery. my rantings are irritating even myself. but this is the only constructive way i can use my abilities to attempt to write feelings. Even Shakespeare had that problem. A good question came up in lecture today. Am i a Hamlet or a Macbeth? I realised i am someone who is patient in the way i deal with people but that always gets the better of me. being nice always results in people taking me as suckers. like hamlet i procrastinate killing and i think that for me is the wisest way to survive in such a world. but a macbeth does not cease to build up in me. the blood shed will be insignificant when that day comes because you will pay. I am boiling up to a limit where it needs no introduction. i am in all capability to make your life a living hell. to torment you til your very own ancestors scream. hell fire brimstone may not be the extent that i go but you will feel the heat from hell. I take it that if you read my blog this may be oblivious. let it not get any more obvious because when that day comes, you are dead in my eyes. my cold self will damn upon you and everyone that stands in destructions path. let there be no mistake.

on a lighter note. i am still in search of my self. thanks my dear for being there to help me. you know i always appreciate you. thank you. but do not worry about the above situation. you know i will never implicate you and this issue will blow over soon.

today is not a funny day for me. this is me just being me.long time no see dark side. leave me not today for woe to me if i should face death i will drag you along. scum.

leaving you for later.